sometimes I think I’m pretty and
sometimes I think I’m funny and
sometimes I think I’m tired.
One. The first time I saw you and her in a picture, I wanted to take my entire arm, shove it inside of the computer and snatch the happiness right off of your face.
Two. If I ever see you in the street, I’m probably going to punch you in the throat.
Three. I apologize in advance. And I know that it makes no sense to have this much anger toward a man that I have never met face to face, but my definition of love is being robbed in an alley 8 times in a row and hoping there’s something about today that makes all of this different. There is nothing logical about cutting off the most important parts of yourself, and then putting them inside hands that shake, that tremble, that crack like a hatian sidewalk.
Four. There is nothing rational about love. Your love stutters when it gets nervous. Your love trips over its own shoelaces. Love is clumsy, and my heart refuses to wear a helmet.
Five. Cupid is fucking irresponsible, and I’m tired of him using me for target practice.
Six. I was told that time would heal all wounds. But what exactly do you do on days when it feels like the hands on your clock have arthritis?
Seven. She always wore her heart on her sleeve. So tell me, why the hell do you look so familiar?
Eight. I think I’ve seen you somewhere in her smile. Like I’ve heard your voice in her laughter. Like I’ve smelled your cologne on her thighs. I bet if we dusted her heart for fingerprints, we would only find yours.
Nine. I have this envelope. It’s full of all the butterflies I felt the first time she relaxed the velcro on her lips and smiled in my direction. I think most of them are still alive. I guess these belong to you, too.”
it’s been a long time now
since no time has passed
since you were under water.
it was so recently that
it was only yesterday when
my chest did that thing where my heart feels like it’s being squeezed in the best and the worst way at the same time.
i imagine that’s how it felt to be under water.
you came up for air and
everything was clear and
why did i teach you how to swim if you were only wanted to float.
it’s been only a second
since years were erased and
my chest did that thing where my heart feels like it’s being squeezed but only in the worst way.
this is what it feels like to be under water but
everything is not clear.